But are you voluntarily celibate if you are asexual? I don’t mean it as a gatcha or something, but as a philosophical question.
In my social circle, the asexual people seem like they would probably prefer to be non- asexual because it is easier to find a partner for life if sex is not a no-go. So clearly their asexuality is not voluntary, they just are what they are. now acting on the involuntary part of yourself, is that a voluntary action?
(Sidenote: I am not saying that these asexual people aren’t accepting who they are, or think it is bad that they are what they are. Personally I think being pansexual is the best because you got all the options, while I seem to be straight and I am very comfortable with it and feel like I am living a comfortable and fulfilling life with my partner. So I really mean 0 hate towards asexual people or anyone else. I am just talking about the practical impaction of sexualities in our given social norm)
It’s a spectrum. For example you’re friends who wish they weren’t asexual are valid and are asexual. I do not feel the same way.
I have the ability I don’t have the desire. I actually have children. I’ve also had girlfriends suggest various things like maybe I have low testosterone. Never got checked for low t. It’s not something I’m really interested in fixing. I’d compare it to wanting crack cocaine. You don’t want it now, maybe there is a way to make you want it… Why tho? Seems like an extra complication to life. As for relationships: the ones I’ve had haven’t been great. The ones my friends have don’t seem all that great either.
I’m good. I’ve got my books and no desire for anything more . What is there to fix? Why should I fix it if I’m already fine? Why should I make myself want more than I already have if I’m already happy? You normal people don’t seem all that happy with it, why would I want it? I’m good .
How much time do you spend trying to get sex or a relationship? How much time would you save if you… Didn’t… And you didn’t want it? Why would you want to want something so time consuming.
Edit: what i mean is from my view point people are basically asking “why don’t you try to create this void in your soul then
Spend your entire life working on filling it… Mostly unsuccessfully, and failed attempts will be very very painful, but one day you MIGHT fill the void and you’ll be happy because that void is now filled!”
Why the fuck would I want that. It sounds awful. You guys go right ahead tho. I’m not judging. I’m just say “nah man I’m good”
Much like anything else, being asexual is a spectrum. It took me a very long time to figure out I was and that’s because I personally didn’t get any physical satisfaction out of sex, but I enjoyed the part where I made my partner absolutely melt with pleasure. Feeling romantic or emotional pleasure from sex is not uncommon, especially when coupled with someone who gets a ton of pleasure from it. That being said, I haven’t had sex in over a year, and from the way things look, I’m not going to for a very long time. I won’t say it’s voluntary though it’s definitely not because my partner doesn’t want to.
Oh interesting 🤔 from the people that I have a more in-deph conservation, I understood that sex wasn’t enjoyable for them because they felt really uncomfortable with it which resulted in a non-satisfying experience for the partner and in turn, generated a feeling of failure to be a good partner in them.
It is really interesting to hear different perspectives. Thanks for sharing and please anyone who wants to, share with me your thoughts and feelings on the matter!
I would assume that there are different ‘reasons’ that cause the broader feel of asexuality. Mine is a complete apathy for the want or need of it. I can enjoy making others feel good, such as giving them a massage in a normal way. I can feel that my work towards helping them feel good is rewarding in and of itself.
I figured out my side of things when after being with my partner for many years I was getting increasingly frustrated that while they were able to enjoy the experience for what seemed perpetual, my side of things remained the same, regardless of whatever was done. To feel the same for oral or penetrative felt like something was wrong to me so I started looking around at other types of options. I did whatever appealed to me but in the end none of it changed anything for me.
For other people, they may have a different kind of situation where the act in any form is uncomfortable which can be a personality quirk or in some a complete lack of empathy. Something that is blocking them from experiencing what is in effect a ‘really intense massage’ that some people crave. I’m not going to try and list all the various societal/personal/learned behaviors people have about sex across the globe which may play a part in their enjoyment/need/desire for sex.
Edit: cleaned up a small section I wasn’t happy with and I was hurrying at the end of my lunch break to try and get all the words out. And Also:
Anecdotally, I’ve been very lucky to have moved many places and seen many things, met many people on a close enough level that knowing how often they sought sexual activity. I know some people who are obsessed with getting some, some who are relatively indifferent, and others who equate it to a smooth drink at the end of a good night. All over the place in terms of how much they focus on it.
After realizing that I may very well be ace in my own right, other little puzzle pieces started to fit together. I was in a long distance relationship with my high-school sweetheart after high-school for about 5 years. I had no issues with lacking any kind of intimate touch, my partner needed it and despite all that cheating stigma, went ahead and found some anyways. It was important enough to them that waiting for someone to appear once every 6ish months wasn’t an option for them. I didn’t understand it then… because again, I had no issues waiting that long or longer. I would talk to them almost everyday and that was more than enough for me.
Oh interesting! Thanks for sharing. I didn’t expect from you to be able to explain it all. I just love hearing different perspectives as it opens my eyes to aspects that I missed.
But are you voluntarily celibate if you are asexual? I don’t mean it as a gatcha or something, but as a philosophical question.
In my social circle, the asexual people seem like they would probably prefer to be non- asexual because it is easier to find a partner for life if sex is not a no-go. So clearly their asexuality is not voluntary, they just are what they are. now acting on the involuntary part of yourself, is that a voluntary action?
(Sidenote: I am not saying that these asexual people aren’t accepting who they are, or think it is bad that they are what they are. Personally I think being pansexual is the best because you got all the options, while I seem to be straight and I am very comfortable with it and feel like I am living a comfortable and fulfilling life with my partner. So I really mean 0 hate towards asexual people or anyone else. I am just talking about the practical impaction of sexualities in our given social norm)
It’s a spectrum. For example you’re friends who wish they weren’t asexual are valid and are asexual. I do not feel the same way.
I have the ability I don’t have the desire. I actually have children. I’ve also had girlfriends suggest various things like maybe I have low testosterone. Never got checked for low t. It’s not something I’m really interested in fixing. I’d compare it to wanting crack cocaine. You don’t want it now, maybe there is a way to make you want it… Why tho? Seems like an extra complication to life. As for relationships: the ones I’ve had haven’t been great. The ones my friends have don’t seem all that great either.
I’m good. I’ve got my books and no desire for anything more . What is there to fix? Why should I fix it if I’m already fine? Why should I make myself want more than I already have if I’m already happy? You normal people don’t seem all that happy with it, why would I want it? I’m good .
How much time do you spend trying to get sex or a relationship? How much time would you save if you… Didn’t… And you didn’t want it? Why would you want to want something so time consuming.
Edit: what i mean is from my view point people are basically asking “why don’t you try to create this void in your soul then Spend your entire life working on filling it… Mostly unsuccessfully, and failed attempts will be very very painful, but one day you MIGHT fill the void and you’ll be happy because that void is now filled!”
Why the fuck would I want that. It sounds awful. You guys go right ahead tho. I’m not judging. I’m just say “nah man I’m good”
Thanks for sharing. I totally see your point. When I was younger, the need and the availability to satisfy it really didn’t line up. Kinda sucked.
It sounds to me like you are aromantic too. Am I catching that right? I would separate chasing a relationship from chasing sex.
Personally I need a partner and a sex life. Wanting a teammate for life is the best thing to me. The other is just really fun to me.
Anyway thanks for sharing! It was really interesting reading your perspective!
Much like anything else, being asexual is a spectrum. It took me a very long time to figure out I was and that’s because I personally didn’t get any physical satisfaction out of sex, but I enjoyed the part where I made my partner absolutely melt with pleasure. Feeling romantic or emotional pleasure from sex is not uncommon, especially when coupled with someone who gets a ton of pleasure from it. That being said, I haven’t had sex in over a year, and from the way things look, I’m not going to for a very long time. I won’t say it’s voluntary though it’s definitely not because my partner doesn’t want to.
Oh interesting 🤔 from the people that I have a more in-deph conservation, I understood that sex wasn’t enjoyable for them because they felt really uncomfortable with it which resulted in a non-satisfying experience for the partner and in turn, generated a feeling of failure to be a good partner in them.
It is really interesting to hear different perspectives. Thanks for sharing and please anyone who wants to, share with me your thoughts and feelings on the matter!
I would assume that there are different ‘reasons’ that cause the broader feel of asexuality. Mine is a complete apathy for the want or need of it. I can enjoy making others feel good, such as giving them a massage in a normal way. I can feel that my work towards helping them feel good is rewarding in and of itself.
I figured out my side of things when after being with my partner for many years I was getting increasingly frustrated that while they were able to enjoy the experience for what seemed perpetual, my side of things remained the same, regardless of whatever was done. To feel the same for oral or penetrative felt like something was wrong to me so I started looking around at other types of options. I did whatever appealed to me but in the end none of it changed anything for me.
For other people, they may have a different kind of situation where the act in any form is uncomfortable which can be a personality quirk or in some a complete lack of empathy. Something that is blocking them from experiencing what is in effect a ‘really intense massage’ that some people crave. I’m not going to try and list all the various societal/personal/learned behaviors people have about sex across the globe which may play a part in their enjoyment/need/desire for sex.
Edit: cleaned up a small section I wasn’t happy with and I was hurrying at the end of my lunch break to try and get all the words out. And Also:
Anecdotally, I’ve been very lucky to have moved many places and seen many things, met many people on a close enough level that knowing how often they sought sexual activity. I know some people who are obsessed with getting some, some who are relatively indifferent, and others who equate it to a smooth drink at the end of a good night. All over the place in terms of how much they focus on it.
After realizing that I may very well be ace in my own right, other little puzzle pieces started to fit together. I was in a long distance relationship with my high-school sweetheart after high-school for about 5 years. I had no issues with lacking any kind of intimate touch, my partner needed it and despite all that cheating stigma, went ahead and found some anyways. It was important enough to them that waiting for someone to appear once every 6ish months wasn’t an option for them. I didn’t understand it then… because again, I had no issues waiting that long or longer. I would talk to them almost everyday and that was more than enough for me.
Oh interesting! Thanks for sharing. I didn’t expect from you to be able to explain it all. I just love hearing different perspectives as it opens my eyes to aspects that I missed.