“Don’t die for a cigarette.”

Poetic irony.

I see what you did there.

I hope this causes that company to become absolutely buried in litigation and debt.

We have to make the difficult decision to part ways with companies that cause undue stress in the people they employ.

A real “checks notes” moment.

Jesus would’ve dragged Ray Kroc into the streets and let everyone have at him.

Seinfeld: “I’ll tell you what I don’t like about social media censors…”

“You said you had a waterbed.”

“You have my drone.”

“AND MY AXE!!”

Conclusion: Kim Kardashian is the primary source of the Ebola Virus in America.

Just like In-N-Out, there’s a secret menu.

Barber: “What’ll it be?”

Me: “Give me a double-double!”

audible gasps

Now you’re the art for a true crime podcast.

Happy intrusive thoughts.

Meanwhile, at the suspect’s hideout:

May the rest of them be tried in court and sued so that all their blood money gets repurposed into something useful instead of just being willed to their entitled children.

Mario and Luigi buff and shirtless makes me see 1920s strongmen on the beach in Long Island lifting dumbbells to impress the ladyfolk.

Check your judgmental shit at the door, lady, that’s a doctor who’s great at her job.

I certainly hope so.

Hey, God? It’s me, Aeron. Please wait until the current pandemic has come to a complete stop before starting another one.

Some people have no luck at all.

It happens.

Important site goes down without warning

“OH GOD, IT’S HAPPENING! THIS IS IT, PEOPLE! I- Oh, nevermind, it’s back up.”

It sounds like an Orc saying “zug.”

“Me take TPS report zug to work zug.”