Cap

The probability that a monkey would throw its shit against the wall and have it look exactly like Shakespeare is, on the other hand, extremely likely in our lifetime.

First, I throw in a jalapeno as a life preserver, then I come in with the second chip like an S.S. Minnow sent from heaven. Finally I Mobey Dick the rescue team and send them to the depths of hell that is my digestive tract.

Looks like an albino Harvey Weinstein.

Can’t believe that glass at the bottom of the photo has survived being on the counter without a cat pawing it off.

616 gallons per flush.

PETER VENKMAN: He’s gonna take a little nap now, but, uh, he says he’s Florida Man. Does that make any sense to you?

EGON SPENGLER: Some. I just met California Man. He’s here with me now.

PETER VENKMAN: Oh, wonderful. We have to get these two together.

EGON SPENGLER: I think that would be extraordinarily dangerous.

Well don’t keep me in suspense! What was her answer?!

Sounds like the hamster wants out.

We’ve been using Master/Bater down at the church.

I’ve never played these games but after 16 I’m starting to think they are gaslighting us with the word “Final”.

Walmart has a Chief People Officer. I guess I’m not sure what that is. HR?

Yea, agreed. I like those bits. Just listened to the one about the civil war.

I have never gone to Joe Rogan or Shane Gillis for any kind of information and they’ve never made me panic. I go for a laugh and if I’m not laughing I’m not watching. These guys are self professed idiots.

Edit: My most down voted comment! I’ll take it and stand by it. An article complaining about what comedians say as if it is an agenda for a corporation makes no sense to me. It seems I truly do have an unpopular opinion; and I really do appreciate a down vote as much as an up vote.

It’s like work email. Mine were 100% read for 16 years. Then I let one go unread, then two, and now I’m up to just under 1,000 unread emails. It’s an adrenaline rush, like Russian roulette. I doubt I’ll read any replies to this comment! I need help.

Jesus Take The Wheel

Ugh! I used to listen and watch her in TV. Couldn’t pass up a Dr. Ruth sound bite

Shelley Duvall, Richard Simmons, and now Shannen Doherty. Just a wave of sad news recently.

No me?

Welp, I need to get my brain checked. First thought was “angel having orgasm”.

This is my wife and me. Also, she loves to plan trips and I love to be spontaneous. The compromise is she plans everything for the trip and doesn’t tell me anything. That way she gets her organization and I get my surprises.