Thereās this rising narrative going around that if you ask specifically for a CIS partner, youāre a transphobe. That could be true for some people but itās not fundamentally related to bigotry. Moreover, this narrative, the āif you only want a CIS mate then that is prejudiceā is trampling on one of the most important rights a person can have: the right to choose who they want to get intimate with.
First of all, transmen are in fact men and transwomen are in fact women. Letās get that out of the way. This isnāt a foot in the door for ātrans this really isnāt thatā narratives. What this is about it is the freedom to choose who you want to be intimate with. That right is sancrosanct, it is absolutely inviolable.
And yes, thereās plenty of issues that make transgender dating a special issue. If someone reveals their TG status they can be open to hate crimes and even deadly violence. However all marginalized groups are special in their own way. As a black man I donāt think itās racist if a woman says she doesnāt want to date a black man. I face oppression, too. My class is special in its own way. One group isnāt more special than the other. None of us have the right to force ourselves upon those who donāt want to be intimate with us, even by omitting who we really are.
Really, if you have to deceive or hide who you are in order to date someone, do you really want to date them? I wouldnāt. Thatās not fair to you and youāre denying them their right to choose who they want. What do you think will happen when the person wants a CIS mate and they discover the truth? Theyāre going to get pissed and dump you. Now you have to shame them into staying with you: āIf you loved me for real this wouldnāt bother youāā¦ thatās not going to convince anyone. Theyāre either going to leave, or theyāll resent you forever. Thatās just how it is. You can be mad at that but thatās about as effective as protesting the rising of the sun. Thereās just no way to win once youāve gone down that road.
āI want a CIS mateā is not the same as ātrans women are not womenā - one is a preference, the other is harmful prejudice. On the flip side CIS people who do date trans people shouldnāt be shamed for their choices either. A man should be free to date a trans woman and not catch flak about it. Trans people should be able to be openly trans and not face hate speech or threats to their well-being. This, without any exception whatsoever.
The fundamental fact is when you shame or worse abrogate peopleās right to choose who they want to get intimate with, itās not going to end well for you. All youāre going to get is people who resent being coerced or bullied to date people they donāt want to. And thatās not something the country, or the world, will ever put up with. Except that right now, most people donāt imagine they can be labeled a transphobe just for wanting a CIS mate. And unpopular opinion: that should be nipped in the bud.
Every single thing youāve said demands specific rebuttal. But I think it would be exhausting and youāre not worth it.
Nearly everything you compare is actually a visible trait, where being trans isnāt. Nobodyās going to be tricked into dating anybody they donāt want when all the attributes are visible up-front. I can SEE if somebody is athletic. I can SEE if somebody is black. I can SEE if somebody is obese.
Quit pretending thereās something wrong with having preferences. Youāre delusional and you have no right to pretend that anybody owes anybody anything except honesty up-front in a dating context.
You actually think somebody who is not interested in a trans person OWES a trans person a date ājust in caseā. Frankly, get your head out of your ass.
Not sure if you stopped reading halfway through, but I mentioned 2 clearly visible things and 3 not visible things, specifically because I recognize itās not immediately obvious from pictures.
Or maybe you started reading on the second paragraph, because I clearly said itās fine having preferences (including trans or not). I also never said anything about āowingā a trans person a date, just in case or otherwise. Thereās no problem with it being a deal breaker. Youāre reading things I didnāt say.
I think itās telling, though, that you use the word ātricked.ā It shows, like my whole comment was saying, that you view being trans as different from other deal breakers, if you think somebody going on a date with a person they didnāt realize was trans was the trans person ātrickingā them.
Hey can we please be civil here?
Lol, theyāre a transphobe. Being civil isnāt a strong suit for that kind of person.