When my daughter was 3, she asked what grandma/grandpa did for a living. I told her they were retired. She replies with, “that makes sense, they’re always ‘real-tired’ when I ask them to play with me”.

I was talking to my husband about something political in the car and I said sarcastically “Who could have foreseen?” and then a tiny reply came from the back seat “Who could have four beans?!”

My kid was in first grade at the time. I got a note home about disciplinary action and was puzzled, as my kid is very mild-mannered and hates getting into trouble.

He was written up for: “banging on the bathroom door while kindergartener was inside and yelling ‘You can’t take all day in there, kid, some of us gotta go!!!’”

I nearly died laughing and then had a talk with my kid about how not to handle an urgent bathroom request.

This is a little niche, but I have a music background, and do solfège (ie “do re mi” etc) exercises with my toddler to keep him relatively chill during diaper changes. He’s recently started mimicking them (and many other things) but doesn’t quite get that they’re syllables unto themselves, so we got this exchange:

Me: “do” Him: “do” Me: “re” Him: “re” Me: “mi” Him: “you!”

We both burst out laughing when we got new pajamas that had firetrucks on them, and all we got before bed was “Wee-ooo wee-ooo” over and over, and even a bit on the baby monitor!

So our 18 month old likes to call the UPS Driver the P-Man-Man. So any time he sees the big truck he always hollers out “Hi, P-Man-Man!” and “Bye P-Man-Man!” He takes it a step further when we go to the UPS Store and says that we are going “P-man-Man shopping.” Kids are a riot.