• Thalestr@beehaw.org
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    1 year ago

    My dad raised me by himself as a single parent. He had to deal with a lot of flak and backlash from other parents for not raising me properly or from withholding me from my mother. He often had mothers tell him that he was actively harming me because kids cannot be raised by a dad. He had to stop attending some group-parenting functions because of the harassment.

    My mother abandoned me when I was a toddler and my father saved my life. He uprooted and upturned his entire life just to provide care for a kid that was unceremoniously dumped on him. He’s not perfect but who is?

    This is certainly a multifaceted issue but the gender stereotype problem runs deep and it does a lot of damage. Instead of uplifting people and helping them, we tear them down and shame them.

      • Thalestr@beehaw.org
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        1 year ago

        Things haven’t been perfect, but that’s to be expected for a dad that had a child forced on him and basically had to cancel his entire life to accommodate. He has basically saved my life, and I am reminded of that every time I think of or hear about my mother. Not only did he take care of me after she abandoned me, but he kept me safe from her after she tried to claw me back.

    • MJBrune@beehaw.org
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      1 year ago

      What you’ve said personally made me think of a lot of things. My dad was my primary parent of 2. My mom was around a tad while being an alcoholic. My parents divorced when I was 3 and I don’t remember much of it. I do remember my father being essentially a single parent intercut with times we were essentially forced to go to our mom’s place, likely as she went off with her boyfriend or did whatever. I don’t remember my dad getting any harassment for being the only one there but I do remember a lot of compliments on how well-behaved we were in public.

      Now that I am a dad I do get a lot of people asking if I am babysitting or such. It’s heartbreaking but I never heard anyone ask that to my dad. It’s like no, they are my kids too. Turns out that when you have kids it’s a choice by two people, not one. The sooner society comes to accept that the better. Overall there is a large stigma around men and kids. If a guy ever goes to a park and just sits down near a playground, you’ll get asked “Ah, which one is yours?” and if you go “Huh, mine? I don’t have one.” you’ll find that a lot of the time people will become defensive and perhaps even call the cops. Men can’t even be in public around kids anymore if they don’t also have one. If they do it’s like “Ah must be babysitting for mom.” such a shit standard.