I donāt usually ever talk about things like this, especially to strangers and I will probably delete it eventually butā¦.
Iām 21. And from like age 8-20 I had a problem with stealing. And it was not because I necessarily needed to but I would usually just take candy from stores. And as stupid as sounds, thatās literally the only reason why I did itā¦because I wanted candy. Only time I took something I actually needed were some batteries and a phone charger but nothing beyond just that. I also took money from my classmates lockers and I even once almost took someoneās iPod, but I was so afraid that I ended up giving it back the next day. But whatās even worse is the fact that I have taken some of my brotherās birthday/Christmas money that he keeps in a stash. Rough estimate at least $250. Could be less. And yes I do feel horrible about it all. And I wish I could go back in time and have never done it to begin with. Fast forward to now I have successfully fought off the urge to shoplift because I know how bad it can be for your career if you get caught. Iām currently a full time college student so I donāt work. My dad gives me a certain amount of spending money every week to kind of help me. And I have been putting a bit of it back in my brotherās stash as restitution. And no I havenāt told my brother because we do have a good relationship and heās one of the closest people to me. I appreciate any advice. Feel free to call me a pos as well.
Edited Update: thanks for the advice and support. So basically after going back and forth about it I decided to tell my mom pretty much what I told this thread. I didnāt go too deep into detail in terms of listing every single thing I took but I told her enough to know whatās going on. Surprisingly, she didnāt get angry about it. Disappointed, yes. But I know she was glad I told her. She reminded me in her humorous fashion that she āreserves the right to get mad.ā So this weekend we plan on going to the bank to get money out of my savings and give it to my brother. Right now, heās at school in a difference city and wonāt be back until Spring break. Thatās when I plan on telling him and giving him the money and will offer to buy him lunch afterwards. I do feel better now that my mom knows but the mission isnāt accomplished until my brother knows. Like I said, him and I are fairly close and we rarely fight over anything besides petty stupid stuff, so I donāt know how he will react. Prayers and good luck would be appreciated as well as any additional advice.
you could be a kleptomaniac. iād check out a psychiatrist if i were you.
Judgement:
- Stealing from family and friends is super wrong.
- Stealing from strangers is pretty wrong.
- Stealing from small delis and family-owned business is wrong.
- Stealing from supermarkets and retailers? Eh.
Kant would argue that you universalize all forms of theft by stealing so if we ever see stealing as immoral then it is wrong to do as it fails the metric of the application of the categorical imperative. I mean I donāt buy into Kantian morality but if one did he might make less of a distinction between them.
(Your comment is hidden on the main post weirdly)
I view stealing more in kharmic sense: if you steal from me, I should be able to steal from you. Retailers legal theft by price gouging shouldnāt be overlooked just because its legal.
If the multi billion dollar company employees need food stamps to live. Steal away.
Iād be careful about that. Walmart in particular is getting nasty about theft. Even in making a mistake at the self checkout theyāve ruined peopleās lives.
My sister started a pet store. Took her 1 year to plan it all out and get it lined up. And she opened.
Theft was a constant problem from day one. Kids would steal aquarium filters and similarly pointless stuff. She installed cameras. She reported them to the cops. Nothing fucking changed.
She bailed out after a few years when the lease came up, losing her shirt but not her house, and now manages a vet hospital owned by some vets. They have no end of customers but definitely a list.
Steal from a retailer like that makes it okay? Just fuck you.
By retailer I really meant the large gargantuan ones that sell everything, I have to admit I never knew retailers extended to small business owners. Sorry about your sisterās business
Stealing is morally neutral, but can be a dick move if itās against individuals/results in the dispossession of something a person needs or cares about. But shoplifting/stealing from businesses is fine. They consider it inventory loss the same as if they dropped a bottle on the floor. Itās written into their spending calculations and is an expected part of business. And quote unquote āsmall businessesā still had enough capital to start a business in the first place, and are ultimately insignificant anyway since the petit-bourgeoisie is doomed to forever either become big bourgeoisie or become proletarianised/unpropertied; proletarianisation is a progressive force and Iām not bothered if members of the petit-bourgeoisie become proletarianised, not that they will anyway purely from someone shoplifting lol.
Just follow the standard advice. Donāt shit where you eat (donāt shoplift somewhere youād be upset if you got banned from) is the main one I adhere to. If youāre only shoplifting small amounts I wouldnāt worry about cops either, for small amounts theyāll just ban you from the store, at least where I live idk about everywhere.
For individuals, I wouldnāt steal from them if you care about your relationship with them. If they find out theyāll probably be upset. If I found out someone stole from me Iād mostly be upset at the dishonesty. So itās good that youāve been honest with your mom and are going to tell your brother. If it were me, I would be thinking, if you need something from me you couldāve just asked. Although it sounds like youāre not stealing because itās something you particularly want or need, but just because you find stealing fun. In which case I would say just try to limit your stealing to shoplifting, or piracy if it scratches the same itch. Or steal from people you find particularly contemptible I guess.
If youāre only shoplifting small amounts I wouldnāt worry about cops either, for small amounts theyāll just ban you from the store, at least where I live idk about everywhere.
Beware. A lot of stores, namely large chain stores, are tracking people who shoplift with cameras and wonāt press charges until youāve cumulatively stolen enough for it to qualify as a serious offence with jail time and permanent criminal record.
if you are really worried about it have a session with a mental health professional. Kleptomania is a type of OCD and can and should be treated
I heard about kleptomania but I donāt have the desire to steal as much as I did when I was a kid.
That might be true, but in this post you say you were doing it only a year ago and still fight the urge to shoplift so itās probably still worth looking into.
Doesnāt hurt to talk to someone about it, maybe youāve aged out of it, maybe itās slowly manifesting itself in a different way, there are professionals that can tell the difference.
Nobody is going to hold a young adult accountable for minor things they did as a child, especially not a psychiatrist. Itās better to get checked when you have the awareness that something night not have been right, because when things are very wrong you wonāt have the desire to get checked.
Yeah, but Iād aggree with MissJinx. Lots of teenagers occasionally shoplift. But stealing a significant amount of money from your brother is imo defintly a big red flag.
Still, going open with it is a really great step imo. But Iād also say, that if you ever again feel that urge, professional help would be a good idea.
Something Iāve heard in different ways goes something like this: A young man wanted a bike so he prayed to his god for a bike but never got it. So he stole the bike and prayed for forgiveness.
You already know the answer to your question. The (rhetorical) question now, is what will you do going forward?
(Semi-related story, but unhelpful to OP)
When I was a child, I got tired of seeing the news coverage of Royal Family shenanigans on seemingly every single channel. So I did what any child did, and got down on one knee and prayed to God to kill Princess Diana. One week later, she was dead. The guilt stayed with me for a while.The (real) question then was, what do I do going forward? The answer: Never pray again.
Okay I donāt have any advice except this:
If you have to steal, please only steal from big corporate chain stores, not the small bussiness.
Also, be careful, cameras are everywhere these days.
Iām not judging the act of theft, just where you steal from. Please only steal from the rich.
Edit: Btw, I also really want to steal stuffā¦ just becauseā¦
The only thing stopping me is the legal punishment. I hate the rich for what theyāve done to society and Iād love to steal, it makes me happy.
I already do a lot of digital piracy. I feel so good. Its a victimless crime. š“āā ļø
Also, donāt steal in your local area.
Also, spread theft aroundā¦ A guy in Lowes was telling me they donāt try and stop thieves until they rack up $10k of stuff so they can hit them with a bigger charge. Said they are using facial recognition and tracking that way now. Might have been full of shit but my dystopian mind thought it plausible.
Mask up š·
Fundamentally, your question is ādoes it make me a bad person if I have done bad things?ā, which is so complicated that people make entire philosophies and religions out of the answers to that, haha.
My view: you can be a good person who has done bad things, if you change your behavior and try to make amends. That doesnāt mean everyone has to accept or forgive you, but itās a necessary part of being a good person.
You gotta talk to a psych and get diagnosed
Iāll tap in for Brother Bear!
What are you trying to solve here beyond indulging guilt? Your last sentence is outright asking to be told youāre bad. If you want validation or excuse for that you can go to confession or seek diagnosis (which might fairly fit into your plan, Iām not judging).
You say, āIf you steal from someone ā¦ saying sorry doesnāt do much for me because if you were sorry, you wouldnāt have done it in the first place.ā I hear, āavoidanceā. Apologies are promises, commitments, and covenants, not regret and remorse. Simply Feeling Bad is the relinquished barflyās philosophy and doesnāt accomplish much but prolonging the bad feeling.
Talking anonymously online or in person can be a healthy start to validate and work through both the stealing and the secrecy, but growing beyond those releases all The Stuff so you can exist honestly and authentically with your pack.
There isnāt anything inherently wrong with stealing if you need to, but in our society, youāve done some things that are socially unacceptable. However, you canāt change the past so donāt worry about it. People do dumb shit when theyāre young. You can only change your behavior to better yourself and your neighbors in the future. Be better tomorrow than you were today.
āWhat is better: to be born good or to overcome your evil nature through great effort?ā
- Paarthurnax
Stealing as a compulsion is a psychological issue itās nothing to feel bad about as you have no control over it, just a) do the best you can to NOT do that and b) as a college student, you should have assistance available to you to help out. It might be worth talking to a counsellor about it or see of the school offers psych services.
Failing that, in the US, under Obamacare, youāre covered under your parents health insurance until you turn 26, it would be worth seeing what services are available there.
Seek a therapist. Some universities offer their students counseling for free if you canāt afford it.
I would be careful with this. My university says it can use anything I say in counseling against me in a lawsuit.
There are no good and bad people. People are just people, with all the complexity that involves.
But if you feel this concern then itās probably a sign to talk to a mental health professional.
You are a very good person, because you are reflective of your past, conscious of your actions, and have morals that gave you the guilt that you feel. Youāre alright little one.
I agree. Youāre letting your better nature take control, taking responsibility, and making amends.
You should be proud of that.
Robin Hood is a thief. Youāre not a bad person. I get it. I have enough money and sometimes I have the urge to steal. It would be terrible to get caught because I have an exemplary function at work, to my children, in my surroundingsā¦ You have to consider whether itās worth it. The fact that you ask the question is a good thing.
