some people trigger me so easily it’s scary. Most of them are loud, lazy coworkers that somehow piss me off very easily.
Is this a normal reaction to morons?
it’s not like I want to punch them, I’m simply relaxed and work better when I don’t have to see them. They slow me down.
Stoicism helped me. The dichotomy of control.
“You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this and you’ll find strength.” -Marcus Aurelius
Basically everyone is responsible over their own thoughts and actions.
That’s not true. You sound like you’re white as fuck :| you don’t think there are things that can influence someone’s brain and body? Human, human technology, or a wide variety of non human things?
Should Google (edit: Kagi*) DMT trip reports as one example.
Sounds like you’ve got some figuring out to do
Nope that’s the rest of you.
Idk man, those numbers are a pretty good indication that you’re wrong. Although doubling down might work this time.
ooga booga hivemind go downvote
It’s not a matter of being a hive mind, it’s agreed upon decency. I hope you’re only like this on the internet, for your sake.
Lost a close family member a few days ago. Haven’t experienced loss like this before so not handling it great. Appreciate you writing this out
You sound like you’re white as fuck
What? what does this mean?
It means he’s racist, turn it around and see how you get treated by him…i bet it will become clear what he means by it.
Nah, he’s probably white himself. I’ve literally never seen anyone online hate white people more than themselves. It’s a weird phenomenon…
White people are very set in their corporate slop eating ways. They like slaving away for billionaires, some of whom buy child sex slaves with the proceeds. FYI white men are the most likely to be pedos… For some strange reason lulz
idk about you, but i’ve never seen a white dude with child sex slaves. wtf are you talking about?
And every modern country slaves away for billionaires, what country are you living in that doesn’t?
Uh, the Nordic countries. You should go read a history book before speaking.
You should go read a history book before speaking.
I have. And yeah slavery existed just like everywhere, where do i deny that in my comment? You said that seeing a white dude with a child sex slave is some common thing.
We still have widely practiced modern slavery in the gulf and north africa, it’s not like you are uniquely evil. Sounds to me, you are the one that should read a history book ;)
Yeah that’s fair you’re right
Honestly, watching and thinking about the Pixar movie Inside Out helped me understand my anger a lot better. In the movie, Anger is kind of a joke character. But there’s a line when he’s introduced where Joy says “Anger wants things to be fair.”
I think a lot about how when I’m angry, most of the time there’s some imbalance that I want balanced, and I’m looking to inflict pain, either physical or emotional, in order to balance it out. The vast majority of times, that’s not actually a winning strategy, either in terms of long or short term goals.
It doesn’t always work, but trying to think in terms of what I actually want, why I want it, and what impulses and aims are leading to my feelings, has been a lot of help to not feeling so much like I’m being helplessly driven by my anger.
I’ve had similar strong reactions to other things. In my case, I had some unresolved trauma that I wasn’t even consciously aware of until I worked through it with a therapist. Not necessarily the case with you, but it might be worth talking to a professional if you have the means.
That being said, every office seems to have obnoxious coworkers (that’s pretty much the premise of The Office, and why it did so well). And that can be annoying for sure. For me, I try to not take my work overly seriously, and I try to remember that others might find me obnoxious at times too.
I had a similar experience, my trauma was from an extremely toxic relationship I was in. I was so sensitive that anything could make me snap.
A therapist helped me develop coping mechanisms which helped, but I was really only able to start recovering once I left the relationship. I felt like a totally new person after I got away from them.
every office seems to have obnoxious coworkers
imho, this is because everyone is obnoxious about something, in some set of circumstances, because we’re human animals.
I’m hella sus of anyone who’s always good.
Because you gotta know that ain’t natural.
Honestly? The serenity prayer.
Give me the strength to accept what I cannot change, the courage to change what I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
Yes it’s pithy, and I’m pretty sure there’s nobody, other than me, granting me strength. I use it more like an affirmation and a test. Can I control this? No? Then I let it go. If it’s something I can change, I ask myself what’s the most humane way of doing so? For example yelling at people and insulting them isn’t very humane and isn’t likely to result in change.
Another thing I actively try to remember is that people are not puppets. They have their own mind and their own agency. If they refuse to change then the problem gets let go. Life is too short to let other people’s behavior bother you unless it’s putting you at risk of being physically hurt. If none of this helps then removing yourself from the situation or breathing exercises might help.
I’m not some happy clam either, I struggle with this stuff everyday. Anyone who looks at my posting history can see me struggle with it. But this is the approach I’ve had the most success with.
On the off chance that you actually have a problem with audio processing, (loud or unexpected noises/talking triggering anger etc), you might try noise cancelling headphones.
Anger is the mind blanket I will let the anger flow over me I will seize it and shape it to my will And let it blow away like sand.
My version of dune’s thingy :-D
“I have no fear, for fear is the little death that kills me over and over. Without fear, I die but once.”
As an atheist, this. (Also the child of drug counselors, so this still came to mind for me.)
Can I change it? No? Not worth my effort to fester over.
I can focus on those things I can change, and try to expand that area, but being upset that other people are wrong is endless.
Finding people annoying isn’t the problem, people will always be annoying. If you find yourself exploding over small stuff, it means your mental resources for suppressing and tolerating such things have been depleted. Changing how you think of people can help, but I would examine your lifestyle as a whole and figure out why you aren’t able to maintain said mental resources. You may not be resting enough, you may have other problems. It might be hard at first if you’ve not explored this stuff before, but it’s well worth it in the long run.
Don’t dismiss physical problems as a possibility either. Something that was surprising to me was blood pressure, apparently it was causing me to fly off the handle at times. Literally all it took was some minor weight loss and eating musli, and suddenly I’m fine again.
Not necessarily applicable to everybody, but if you find yourself with a short fuse, I highly recommend getting checked out for sleep apnea.
Imagine going to sleep for 8-10 hours a night but always feeling a bit tired and very irritable. Because in reality, you barely sleep at all. That’s what sleep apnea does, and I can personally start that, if that’s your problem, addressing it is a world changer.
Sometimes it helps to feel bad for someone instead of being angry at them. I think of Gandalf’s quote from LOTR:
“Frodo: ‘It’s a pity Bilbo didn’t kill Gollum when he had the chance.’
Gandalf: 'Pity? It’s pity that stayed Bilbo’s hand. Many that live deserve death. Some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them, Frodo? Do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment.”Drop caffeine. Seriously, that took me from reacting like the hulk to just getting flushed in the face (in most cases…I still flew off the handle sometimes, but like less than 20% compared to before). Next step that helped then was getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD, but that may not be needed for you.
getting a non stimulant medication for ADHD
tell us more
Stratera, also known as Atomoxetine, is a norepinephrine re-uptake inhibitor. What does that mean? Ever have that clarity of mind and focus (and calm) when there is a crisis? That’s norepinephrine. It seems ADHD brains tend to absorb it quickly so while most people can stay calm and focused normally, it takes a huge crisis (and huge release of norepinephrine) for ADHDers to have that feeling. If we slow down the re-uptake then it helps us feel calm and focused.
Dosage was a bitch for a bit though: they started me on the “normal” adult dose (40mg), which left me feeling like an emotionless robot and very productive. The typical advice is to go up in dose but I asked to go down to a child’s dose (10mg) which has me feeling productive, calm, and frankly great. I’m still me now, but things that would normally set me off just don’t anymore. I can provide compassion and be the voice of reason, or be the firm without being mean.
I take both, Mydayis (50mg) and Strattera (10mg). Both is an instantly noticeable improvement over one or the other for me. I stopped drinking espresso/coffee also (not caffeine, just mass doses of it). I’ll never be perfect, but I don’t fly off the handle near as much as I used to.
Oh, by non stimulant you mean not dopamine reuptake inhibitors. I’m not sure but technically norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors can be called stimulant though.
Edit: I’ve never been on a NRI before, I think I should bring that up next time. I’ve not had anger issue with/without any medication either.
You may have read that backwards. I’m on Stratera and about the other ADHD medications which are all versions of stimulants.
I didn’t understand what you’re saying here, might be grammar.
Not likely to help but for me it was joining the military.
Between the training I received and the situations I faced, nothing in civilian life has really been able to effect me.
It’s been 25 years since I left the service and I can count on one hand the times I’ve actually been angry about something.
I just need to add that this is very much a “your mileage may vary” type of thing. You can also come out of the military with a lot of anxiety and rage.
Absolutely, but the question was “how did you”, not “how should I”.
I am not a better human being, but I’m combating my irritability one cause at a time. Firstly, treating physical conditions that cause irritability (as much as money has let me): hormonal issues, sleeping issues, etc. Secondly, addressing psychological and psychiatric problems (I had to learn a lot of these topics because I wasn’t able to afford specialists all the time and it was an interest of mine anyway). Finally, fixing external or environmental causes, e.g. working on changing toxic relationships.
It is still a work in progress, but my life is getting calmer and calmer as I am ticking the boxes in that list. At some point, you get to a place where you can search for your own answers, existentially speaking, and that also helps. Here I mean exploring philosophy and your own ideas; your feelings, your passions, etc.
Be patient. Be compassionate with yourself (and others).
I transitioned…
Pretty much the same. I didn’t realize how angry I was before and how emotionally violent I was before I transitioned a decade ago.
Are you saying the lack of gender dysphoria eased you being upset all the time?
Or are you saying that phsycially modifying your hormones changed your behavior because the hormones you were born with made you angry?
The first one. Hormones may have played a part too, but the bulk of it was dysphoria and repression
Stopped being poor. My family instilling a poverty mindset meant stuff breaking led to many negative emotions. If you stop caring about how much that can ruin your financial situation, that’s a massive reduction in stress and anger.
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I get super pissed when my shitty laptop and/or internet connection slows to a crawl while I’m working from home. It feels (irrationally) like a betrayal. It’s my stupid work equipment hampering me when I just want to get shit done.
I usually fly off the handle and curse a blue streak while rebooting everything. Sometimes I think it’s AV or bossware slowing me down.
Seems to happen at the worst times, too. Like when I’m trying to fix something important, and am already under time pressure.
Ok, so this is a bit weird, but… I am set off by businesses or management that make patently terrible decisions - especially if I work there. I can barely hold it together in a meeting without shouting like a lunatic. I bottled it up until I started to lose my hair (not recommended). I eventually left to start my own business, where other people can rail about my poor decisions. Not everyone can/should start their own business, but you can look for another job that is a better fit for you. Remember when you interview, you are looking for cultural fit as much as they are looking for an employee.
I realized the hard truth is you don’t get mad at shit you don’t care about. And suddenly a lot of shit I got mad at felt really fucking stupid.
I also learned to take a deep breath before I act in anger, and it often calms me down enough to find a better solution.
Why do you assume I am now a better person? In my defense, I have BPD. It takes nothing to shift my mood, and my emotions are cranked to 11 at all times. The best way to control my rage is to get the fuck away from what’s pissing me off.
